TRAP.......

Opening those pages of my life when “copycat” was with me. I used to call her copycat. Lol. She was a resident in my college and so I knew her since 1 year as a girl  before I actually got to know him personally. Everyone including  seniors, juniors, loved her because she is actually a good girl and a kind-hearted soul. Whenever we talked with each other, it was always related to studies until that night when result of her 2nd year exam was declared. I congratulated her on insta at around 9 pm and I don’t know how we started talking about other stuff (which didn’t include anything regarding studies). In the middle of that conversation, we exchanged our contact number and started chatting on whatsapp. But, this wasn’t a usual chat. It was something very new for me and I don’t know why I wasn’t feeling like to even end that chat, and probably neither she wanted to. Even after telling ‘Bye” to each other, we kept on chatting and didn’t realize it was almost 3.30 am. I didn’t want that night to end up; I wished time stops for a while. But, unluckily it was a time to end the chat, as she had to wake up early to go to hospital.

Woke up next morning and my mind was all covered up with the thoughts about her and the chat that we had the previous night. I was blushing and getting pink thinking about her and her few words that made me feel so special. And, then we started chatting with each other almost everyday and it used to give me those special vibes all over my body. Initially, I tried not to react to her flirty messages but then it was getting so difficult to hide my feelings for her. I knew there was no future with her because I was already on a path that was leading me to another country and she had almost settled in my home country. Also, there was no hope from the family side. I knew they wont have accepted her as society just accuses parents if the girl tries to get in a relationship with a guy of her own choice and I never wanted to be a reason due to which my parents have to keep their head low. So, all these things were continuously hammering my mind. I was accusing myself for falling for a cutiee that is going to lead me nowhere but then this is what love is all about. Love just happens without any reason. And, it was ofcourse impossible to not fall for my copycat. Haha!!! At last I just thought to go ahead with the flow and kept all my worries aside.

It continued thereafter. Waiting for her message became a daily routine. I was never in a relationship with any girl and it was something new for me. Getting kissing emojis from her used to make my day. I used to constantly look at home screen of my phone to check for any notification of a message from her. And, when I used to get that, I used to be on ninth cloud. One day, I posted a picture on social media and I received a text from her praising me, and it made me feel gleeful. In the middle of the conversation, she said, “I wish I could kiss you”. I was speechless and sent her smiling emojis. Next, she said, “Lets do it.” “Close your eyes.” And I was like what’s going on. I sent her an emoji (monkey closing his eyes with hands). She messaged “Let me hold your hands” “I will kiss your both eyes” “Now your nose” “Then your cheeks” “Your lips”… And to all these messages I just replied her with emojis. It gave those vibes to me. It was like a kind of shock passing all over my body. Next, she said, “What you are wearing?” I replied “Clothes”. To this, I think she realized I was getting uncomfortable and so she said “Okay. So now its better we stop here and sleep”. Though I was literally shivering during this conversation and could feel my heart beats, I still didn’t want it to end. I wanted to know what she wants to do now. So, I texted her, “What if I let you do this?” she then said, “I would now take off your top” “Would kiss you gently on your back now” “And now your abdomen.” Now this was the peak level of me having feeling of butterflies in stomach. I just replied with emojis in this conversation, as I was having no clue what to tell her. That was the first time; we got physically close to each other on phone. It was still a very pure chat I feel. Since that night, we started having chats of kissing, hugging, and getting close in bed.

One day, we had talk about sex. Things she wanted to do with me. She kept on messaging and I kept on replying and didn’t realize when it reached there down. I said what if it hurts; to this she replied very gently that I will leave it and wont hurt you. I replied back telling what if I feel uncomfortable; she said, I am sure once I am with you, you wont feel uncomfortable. I was so shy to hear that but deep down I was blushing. I felt wet down though it was just on message. At the end, she said we are doing this when I come there And I was like “Really?” I was so numb for a second. I never did that but then I trusted her so much and felt that I wont mind when she is the one to whom I have to loose my virginity. But, unfortunately when she came back , we couldn’t meet. I was dying to meet her but circumstances were not in our favor. But, she felt that I was making excuses, it wasn’t true though. After few weeks, 

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I  don’t know will I ever feel the same with any other girl or not, because it was for the first time, and the first feelings are always special and precious.